It’s not so bad after all…

I’ve looked forward to being a father since well before I was ready to become one. As pipe dreams of becoming the Jewish Jimi Hendrix rapidly faded, thoughts of parenthood took their place. In my mind, nothing could bring more joy and fulfillment than having a baby. It turned out I was right. That’s not to say that I wasn’t afraid. I was very afraid. Some of my fears were silly and unfounded. Some were serious and unfounded. Some were even founded. Here are two that stick out to me now:

• Diapers. This is one of the silly fears. For whatever reason, before Pooky was born I’d never changed a diaper. Not even a peepee diaper. I was totally grossed out at the thought. The rational part of me knew that eventually I’d get used to it, but the 99.9% of me that is neurotic couldn’t stop imagining diapers overflowing with a poop so pungent it would make me faint. And the thought of poop actually getting on me was terrifying. It sounds trivial, but this was a real, honest-to-goodness, semi-paralyzing fear. As it turns out, I’m fantastic at changing diapers. First poopy diaper of Pooky’s life, I dove right in. Even when she pooped on my hand the first day, I was totally unfazed. As she’s gotten older and her poops have gotten bigger and badder, I’ve rolled with it. I have conquered this fear.
• Crying. I’ve always loved babies, but have had some bad experiences with babysitting. It’s stressful, not to mention irritating, when babies cry. After a couple of hours of babysitting someone’s crying kid, I’m a wreck. How could I possibly cope with all the crying that comes with having a baby of my own? Well, I don’t know how, but I do. It is stressful, and it can be irritating, but it’s not the same as with someone else’s kid. With your own kid, it’s just better.

I still have some dumb fears as we move on into toddlerhood. Like this recurring nightmare that she’ll never learn how to talk. And another one about not being able to figure out how to get her registered for school. It’s weird. I’m just going to try not to worry about it. I think everything will work out in the end.